W.E.A.Kness
and so in keeping with the faith, this is definitely a W.E.A.K post. and without further ado, i present some of my W.E.A.Kest moments of the past two weeks.
i have these neighbors. some of the coolest chaps i know. i mean we play soccer on sundays and well… thats just about it. lately i have grown into the habit of leaving home 30minutes late(some of my best bathroom antics are taking longer nowadays, if you know what i mean :-)). so anyway thats about the same time neighbor dudes be chilling for work as well. so everytime they find me on my way to the stage they insist on giving me a lift to town, which is all good except that they leave with their dad(who happens to be the driver of the car) who from what i gather from the looks we give each other, doesnt approve of me and my awesomeness. now, y’all know what it feels like to be given a lift by someone who doesnt approve of your awesomeness. on top of the awkward silence, dude could decide to crush the car just coz yo in it. ok, so thats the background, now onto the W.E.A.Kness….
last week, there i am minding my own music, and laboring uphill to the stage which is about 50metres from home, i look behind and who/what do i see…neighbor dudes’ car. i look left, right and there’s no hiding place(the bushes have recently been shortened). then i look forward and like a rhino charging, i put usain bolt to shame, am telling you i broke the 50metre record if there’s one. i get to the stage all sweaty and dusty but exhilarant from my triumph…or so i thought. soon as i reached the stage, i heard a honking sound coming from behind me and on turning its neighbor dudes and their dad. i get into the car all sweaty and stuff and the first thing the dad asks me is “so why were you running like that?” “ i mumbled somethin about running after a taxi so it wouldn’t leave me behind, but dude’s son had the audacity to point out to me that there were no taxis at the stage. as if i didnt already know that. “shut ye bollocks up, i was running from you guys!” well thats what i wanted to scream out! so now am on a mission to leave home earlier and this morning, well they got me again. dang!
last week again, i had a meeting with some agency in town. come the day and am all dressed up in a tie(of course with other things). i walk into the agency reception and lo and behold the receptionist believing nobody was due anytime soon had let rip a nasty piece of work. am telling you it was humid up in there. i was obviously choking and all she could say was, “eh, allo its very hot in here, lemme switch on the fan” while i nodded in agreement and fumbled with my tie trying to loosen it up. i couldn’t speak while trying to hold my breath. chic if you are reading this, you killed me for those five minutes i spent in your presence. i shudder to think what an hour with you would be like. true story.
on friday, i had to do a bajaj from town all the way to ntinda. so i get this one chap and after alot of haggling and threatening to never use him again, we eventually settle on four grand, and am thinking for all that dime, dude should offer me a helmet or failing that atleast a soda on that dime. needless to say(if its needless to say, then why the hell do we go on to say it anyway), the guy jammed, so i had to settle for just the ride alone and no ebigenderaako. we get to wandegeya and thats when i start to smell something nasty like dude had just given me unwanted ebigenderaako. from wandegeya all the way to ntinda, there was a perpetual smell of fart in the air. either dude was doin it constantly or he had just sharted. for those who dont know what sharted means, lemme endeavor to explain. it is a phenomenon where you accidentally shit while trying to fart, hence the term. anyway i digress, it was so bad that when i got to ntinda, i had to first go to the toilet and check to make sure it wasn’t me…. and no it wasn’t me! truer story.
recently i was out chilling with my friend fat bizzy. fat bizzy is so fat, he bleeds chocolate milk. infact to put it into ugandan pespective, dude is so fat, he needs two stools at the steak-out bar, one for each butt cheek. funny thing is, he is a firm believer in losing weight and thats why i like him. see fat bizzy believes guzzling down wine will help him in his endeavor to lose weight, and every single time he feels like a wine binge, he knows am a call away. see i like him for his determination to lose weight not for the wine. what kind of homie do you think i am, eh? so anyway last week, there we are on one of those binges, while ogling some PYTs and wondering whether fat bizzy would be able to find them were they to get lost underneath him, when suddenly we both turn and look at each other and then burst out laughing, for we were thinking the same thing. some dude had walked up to one of them fine things and from our vantage point, dude bore a striking resemblance to a sperm. honestly. and no i dont think it was the wine, we had only gone one bottle and besides we moved nearer for closer inspection and yap! truerer story.
there’s this church right next to my home. i’ve been seriously considering attending it. reasons being that they are really vibrant and of course i could just get up on sunday mornings and haul my groggy ass over there to continue my sleep in church. that way i will not feel guilty for cutting church on sunday. there’s only one snag. see this church has a korean pastor and is targeted towards the sudanese as well as the few locals who care to attend. the korean pastor doesnt know english and how he managed to get a korean speaking ugandan, i shall never know. these guys being ever so nice and sweet decided that they would cater for all and sundry. this means that they have two translaters up there with the pastor. one translates from korean to english for the sudanese(tho we can really never be sure whether he is lying to us or not) and the other from english to luganda for us mere mortals who do not understand either language. so my snag is with all those translations and interpretations, how am i expected to continue with my sleep amidst bouts of laughter coz i honestly find it funny.
alright folks, thats enough for today. i have job. now go away!
August 3rd, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Socks!
August 3rd, 2009 at 2:48 pm
gwe, this post is long. Not that i dont think long posts are awesome and ll, but my boss will not like me reading it! sms me the shorter version nawe!
August 3rd, 2009 at 4:33 pm
i like this, sensible stuff instead of wannabe twitter updates.
August 3rd, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Naye that neighbour! Just tell him you prefer to walk or something.
August 3rd, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Let the we W.E.A.K.ness roll!! But dude. That sperm dude thing still kills me…
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:09 pm
so, what does a sperm look like?
August 3rd, 2009 at 7:38 pm
jasmine,rather reluctantly, i can show you…
but that church Emrys..really?
August 4th, 2009 at 8:04 am
This was such a fart-y long post but full of awesome weakness
I do wish I had neighbors like yo’s I’d ask to drive
August 4th, 2009 at 10:40 am
No, we won’t go away! We are still here laughing and wiping our eyes!
August 4th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
a sperm…seriously, dude should talk to the dad.
korean pastor…how did he get past immigration,oh, i meant the translators
August 4th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
What a neighbour…..wow……. Footsibishi is the way to go….
August 4th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
sharted - Dude…am dead! Hillariosilly.
August 4th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
oh my this is so funny i have just ended my day hystrical….
August 4th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
with laughter i mean…lol
August 5th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
fahhhny! the Korean pastor i mean. somebody(Baz, assign someon) ought to do a story on it! don’t remember the last time i was at sunday church!