silly things
monday almost came and went by without incident, until about 7pm. remember fat bizzy?? yeah??? well he resurfaced in my life after an eternity, well more like 2months but you get the drift. dude called and our convo went abit like this;
fat bizzy: “sup ems”
me(in mocking voice): “sup player player”
fat bizzy: “ems enough with that already you bum scratching, lice infested and…(ok, you get the drift, cant continue with his tirade for the sake of my sanity…oh and yours as well). anyway can you come over, there’s something i need to talk to you about”
me: “but you guy fatso, you think you can just come in and out of my reality like so and diss me, matter of fact i was just on my way home and i know we are almost neighbors but you can take yo fat ass and shove it up…”
fat bizzy(interrupting): dude, there’s pork(he lied) and wine(he didnt lie)
it took me 20 minutes to get to kansanga from wandegs, dont ask me how i also dont know.
as always, the wine guzzling had the condition of having to listen to fat bizzy and whatever he had to rant about… i never minded much coz i always figured if i do half the bottle i wont be listening anymore save for nodding my head as i dozed off and repeating the latest statement coming out of him once in a while.
alas it wasnt to be this time. as i sipped on my wine, dude dropped the bombshell, he had gotten a girlfriend. needless to say, i choked on the wine while trying to laugh and am there thinking, feck this, what will they say on my funeral if i die…that he choked on alcohol and laughter, huh?
i had to think of an instant retort. “its not palm handerson’s sister is it” i asked. that almost earned me a slap round my head but i was too swift for his lumbering fat hand. as it turns out, he had gotten himself a PYT to replace his old sweetheart, palm handerson and i was there to give him advice on how not to mess it up.
as i left his place i could not help but wonder how he was not goin to mess up considering that he wanted to throw a congratulations party for himself and invite all his full party of friends(4 of us mind you) plus the PYT….
anyway, onto other silly things. last saturday while watching soccer with a few friends, we got to talking about how to get obsessive girls off our backs. the usual stuff was brought up; you know, don’t pick up her calls, act mean(though in my experience this usually keeps them around), act the opposite of what you were during those first few dates). basically we were getting the usual drivel, until some chap called jamo gave us the wickedest story. this one was for both world cup and olympics combined.
now before i give you this story, this is a disclaimer, Jamo is not the emrys and we are in no way related 
ok? yeah?? right, now the story!
jamo went on to tell us how he had tried to get this particular chic off his case. he had tried all possible ways to no avail until one evening she insists on meeting him, she needed someone to talk to blah blah blah. our hero meantime had a massive case of flatulence on his case, it still couldn’t save him. so to the joint he marches, gets their early and chooses the most isolated corner, makes his order and promptly lets flatulence take reign. dude just goes all out, hakuna matata and just as he is in the middle of letting jack the ripper out of his grave, he sees her making a beeline for his corner. that is when it hit him, he figured if she got hit by the onslaught, it was a wrap. so after the hugs and ish and noticing that her nose was now wrinkly, our hero decides that jack had left without his shears. being the nice guy that he is, he calls jack back and decides to hand him his tools. to cut the really long story short(it was punctuated by very loud guffaws and sneers from the rest of us), the damsel endured for another 30 minutes, found an excuse to leave and has never been spotted in the company of jamo since.
when calm was finally restored, we were left wondering how she even managed 30 minutes in his presence. i mean whoever knows jamo will tell you, you can not manage even 2 minutes in his presence when he gets an attack of the flatees…you risk death by suffocation if you do!
right, onto even sillier things. today i left office for a while to go practice drums with jason from nodesix. on our way back we decide to do bodas, that is when we came across… oh crap, boss man just walked in, gotta get back to work. jason get a blog and tell the stories, cant keep telling your stories for you.
peace out people!!
October 14th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Socks!
Dude. That’s a wicked storo. But yo psyching I swear.
October 14th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I would never have thought of what Jamo did! The brother has instincts.
October 14th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
The boda story!
October 14th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
… in and out of your reality like so!
October 15th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
so the emry’s and jason aren’t one and the same…the plot thickens
October 17th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
this is sick…jamo is sick..am laughing my asss offff….
October 19th, 2009 at 10:18 am
jamo……..flatu…..damn….emyrs are you sure!!!! that its not your story
October 19th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Dude, i am still waiting for the soliz stories!!
Jamo is the winner!!
October 26th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
you know, technically, posting once in 2 years should be illegal
October 29th, 2009 at 9:19 am
BHH!! BHH!! BHH!! BHH!! BHH!!!….. i am passing these things around. Emrys at BHH, now that woud make recap history.
November 11th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I’ve jam to swallow Jamo’s ‘how to lose a girl in 30 minutes’. no one i know would risk farting extravagantly infront of a chick. i mean, the legend would be handed down from generation to generation and he’d die solo!
November 17th, 2009 at 5:41 am
But Emrys! Some locking us out of your next post. Nga you know we want to comment!! Sha!
November 17th, 2009 at 9:19 am
my bad princess, comments section is back
March 17th, 2010 at 1:24 pm
[...] as some of you know, my friend fat bizzy has brought untold misery to my life and last week was no exception. i went to play soccer and gave [...]