Two W.E.A.K Dudes

greetings earthlings!!

ever been on your way to work, while composing a post for your blog in your sorry excuse of a mind and as soon as you get to work, you realise you have forgotten almost everything you were dying to post about, no??? well am in one such situation. for the past 2 hours i’ve been trying to remember what it was that got me so excited to post but for the love of me i just can’t seem to remember. but do not despair all is not lost.

i shall regale you with tales of what went down(on my part) at the maurice kirya experience, which by the way goes down every last tuesday of the last month and i must admit its off the chain. kati maurice i hope i got a free ticket for the next show after this kalango.

i was supposed to be in the company of 2 beautiful girls, but one had not yet showed up and the other was……. well, was all over some dude, she barely smelt my presence. so i had to make do with the bar while i waited for the experience to kick off. while there i scoped out this girl in one of those concert/dinner/party dresses( Dee what kinda dress is that Nicolette had on, yes i saw you there with Carlo and Linda) and sipping on colored water, the one they term fanta. i looked around and sure enough she seemed to be alone, so i gathered about my wits and courage and walked over to bust on her.

we got to talking about supposedly poisonous colored water and concert dresses. i ended up with the number just as the last of my (3 pips) entourage arrived. so imagine my shock when later on during the show maurice introduces the concert dress clad chic as Nicolette, runner up in the Idols Africa show. i never watched the show by the way. apparently she’s a ugandan living in Zimbabwe. got me thinking, if i had known who she really was from the start, would i have walked over to her, i dunno, but me thinks i would prolly have thought she was snobbish and all that stuff that comes with some celebs, which when i think about it now sounds much like an excuse. reminded me about igis’ escapade. by the way igis, unlike you, me i will not feature in red pepper, sorry buddy.

anyway, as for the experience, it was off the hook, as always. i even got to sample a banana from sarah ndagire’s basket. maurice even sampled just friends from Musiq. that did it for me, i got my dimes worth just from that one song.

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this morning i woke up earlier than usual and indulged myself in a few sit-ups for the first time in almost 7 months. i managed a grand total of 49, ‘course in 2 phases, but still am proud of myself. now some of you might question the wisdom of stopping at 49 and not 50. here’s the thing, at 47 i just didn’t think i could go on, but i still pushed my self to 49. at this point the sinews of my stomach muscles felt they would give with the next sit-up, thus letting loose anything and everything in the repository, to say that i didn’t want to take that risk is an understatement of the highest order.

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yesterday i was looking this girl right in the eyes(we were playing the staring game), upon being asked why i was looking at her THAT way, i mumbled something along the lines of chocolate cake, that’s what was on my mind anyway. so i realised(well she pointed it out to me) that i hardly ever make any sense. she tried to crucify me for it but i stood my ground. i mean that’s who i be, that’s the only way i know to make sense, by not making any. we went back and forth for a while until she admitted she actually liked it. oh girls, weird creatures, right??

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at the moment i just can not get enough of the songs below;

religious-musiq(but of course)

hello beautiful-Jonas brothers

bright lights-matchbox20

you’re the finest-p-square

supernatural love-brian kawesa

groovy kind of love-phil collins

ok these are not a whole lotta things.

am outta here, you know it don’t make sense. now if only i could remember the other stuff.

peace!!

nuff said!!

Again, this is spontaneous, just winging it. For other “writing on fly” pieces, see 1001 Tales - One and 1001 Tales - Two.

Let’s see how this one goes.

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Gabriel

She watches the back of his hand fly towards her, and she knows it is going to hurt.

Physically and emotionally.

In that split second, time slows down, all she sees is the blur of the hand, the perfectly manicured nails that tell of a softness that is long gone. Around her, life goes on. The hustle and bustle of the busy street, the shoving and pushing, the horde of people heading about their business, all oblivious to the fact that right in their midst, her world, her life, her very existence has ended.

Just like that.

In her mind, one question rings out louder than the chaos around her.

“Dear God… how did we end up like this?”

And just before the hand hits her face, the tears start streaming.

Read the rest of this entry »

Another “writing on the fly” piece.

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Two.

Her shrill voice tore through the heat of the day like a sonic javelin, grabbing the attention of everyone that had the misfortune of being around her. Knowing they were hers for the taking, she paused for effect, and slowly stooped down, picked up her mineral water bottle, and calmly took a sip of water.

She was enjoying this, they could tell. For the type of person she represented, something felt wrong about the way she was drinking up the attention. Her stance, her demeanour, the cold efficiency of her actions… all these things told a completely different story.

One which didn’t fit in with the message she was supposed to be delivering.

Someone to the right shuffled their feet, and she turned, glaring at him with eyes full of unbridled accusation. She lifted her finger and pointed straight at the culprit who had dared interrupt her. He stiffened, knowing what was coming next. With a barely concealed sneer, she screamed words at him that humbled him to his core.

Words that tore at his heart. Words that told him how useless and foolish he was. Words that condemned him to a life of self-reproach and pity. Words that told him, above all things, that he was unworthy.

Her audience hushed, fearing to even breathe or blink. Such was the ferocity of her message, and no one could stand up against it. She represented a higher authority, one which they could not even begin to comprehend. She was a one-eyed goddess in the chaotic sea of the blind.

They were weak, and lost, and they needed her to guide them. And she made this clear to them, every single day. They were lost without her.

She set the mineral water bottle down and turned around suddenly. Something was wrong.

The screech of tyres was the last thing she heard.

A single piece of paper fluttered in the air, and came to rest on her crushed body. It was a page from the Bible she had been holding, which had been flung far away from the street corner where she had been standing.

Someone picked it up, and gasped.

On the page, a spray of blood had splattered across a single verse:

18:20
But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die.

I’m trying to learn how to write on the fly. None of this is pre-conceived or pre-meditated, I want to see how far I can push a story without stopping to build the characters, or to plot out a proper tale. So I’m writing and developing the story real time. Let’s see how it goes.

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One.

He has the stupidest grin on his face, a face damaged by a life of pain, hardship and toil. A face weathered and leathery like the discarded hide of a long dead mountain goat. He displays a mis-shapen set of teeth whose ugliness is magnified by the fact that there are only six of them left, the last two hidden so far in the recesses of his mouth that he has the appearance of an overgrown rabbit gnawing at the remnants of a once hopeful life.

He is unbelievably happy. A stranger had handed him a coin with a crane on it. That meant his miserable existence was made better by the previously unimaginable amount of five hundred shillings. His mind whirled with infinite possibilities. He owned his little fiefdom, he was the king of his kraal. Life, friend, was a sum of joy, beauty, hope and an endless supply of food.

Read the rest of this entry »

a condition of being in extreme hunger and suddenly you are presented with a plate of mouthwatering food, preferrably posho and beans, and you faint from sheer excitement.

also known as: holysmokesthisfoodlookssogoodithinkilltakeaminitandjustpassout.

forgive my title, am still not good at coming up with titles for my posts.

so last week i managed to break my pork fast, and in some style too i might add. on wednesday i went to luzira(not the prison) with the loveliest girl i know, ‘course all this loveliness is courtesy of the fact that she was buying the pork. anyway we did have a feast on our hands, i think, if i remember correctly, they had to help us out of there and get us to the stage and into a taxi with instructions to the driver and conductor to get us safely to the park, yeah it was that good.

fast forward to thursday, and there i am in front of my pc in office, minding my own business(read dozing off), when i receive a call from a friend of mine informing me he’s planning a bash on sato( it was his birthday on sunday, so he wanted to party the whole weekend). i informed him i would be there although i wasn’t really sure. come saturday and am at work slaving away till i get the call at about 7pm, party had been blazing away from about 3pm that afternoon in kansanga. i was off in a flash beating myself up for practically missing the party. by the by i eventually got there and the sight of a whole roast pig is what greeted me, with a lovely grin on its face. the real party hadn’t yet started after all. i was in bliss and i got myself a seat close to where it(pork) would all go down, my eyes never left that magnificent image, i was in awe.

needless to say when the time of reckoning came, everything stopped. girls ceased to matter, drinks which up until this point were drowning us ceased to matter as well. matter of fact, all the guys who seemed to be drowning earlier on, somehow managed to swim their way back to life and to the platter of pork. man this pork was off the chain, i had nada on it. party only continued after the feast.

during the party one of my friend’s gal hollered at her friends to join us. an hour later they arrived and there was this one girl in particular who every guy seemed to be hung on. someone even intimated how he had 3 wet dreams, all because of her. i was bored. i mean she be fine and all but she aint all that plus a rolla. these chics were dancing right next to us but still wet dreamer could not gather up the courage to go join them. i figured if nobody was goin to do anything about the fact that 3 gals were dancing all by themselves, then i would. so i went ahead, broke their circle and joined in like i didn’t care. at this point i must say its a good feeling being sandwiched by 3 babes on the dance floor.

all in all the party was tight, went on till 2am, at which point all the talk was about relocating to fatboys, that was my cue to head home and besides, home was just a few hundred metres away, so while the boys headed to fatboys with the girls, i headed home with 2 of the girls’ numbers, dunno who was in a better position, me or them?

oh did i mention that dante and carlo showed up at the do for a while. i even hollered at them, though they of course couldn’t tell i was the emrys. i actually know dante from another life. small world indeed.

in other happenings, i came across a lady in green today.  her top was green, her skirt a different shade of green, her bag and shoes were green, her necklace was green, her earrings and makeup too and to top it all off, she got into a green VW and drove off into the morning. i was speechless. reminded me of that song, blue. by some chap.

am outta her, you know it makes sense.

peace!!!

last week, friday evening, i dropped in at the Node Six offices to check on Solomon and the rest of his crew. i found one of his crew wielding 2 dools.  to say i was in bliss would be a humongous understatement. we proceeded to dig up a hole while trying to revise the rules and then the games began.

my God we played dool for over an hour whipping each other left right and center untill i came out on top(yeah who else). now me thinks they should try to introduce dool world cup, i swear we would put uganda back on the map of international sport. we simply just rock at dool, oh and draughts.

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like minty, i have not eaten any pork in a long time, one and a half months to be exact. unlike her, however, my exile from the pork bufundas was not self imposed. i have simply been too broke and i do not want to eat pork of petty dimes like 20k, i want those things of the pork joint wishing you were a daily customer, you walk in and they know they’ve got to order for more pork because “kapo” azze.  i want those things of the proprieter tapping you on the shoulder to wake you up at midnight because they have to close and you were to full to move a toe.

anyway, as i was saying, i have not eaten the ANIMAL in all this time  and am worried. am now suffering from withdrawal symptoms, i sweat and spasm uncontrollably everytime i think of the P1G, you could be forgiven for mistaking me for a fever patient(actually sometimes i think it turns into a real fever). i am looking haggard and all my pork fat is gone, am back to my lean self ,oba. am even thinking of joining her on thursday as she celebrates her one month off meat. but someone just sent me a text a while ago, told me they are planning to kill a whole pig in 2weeks time, so i have decided to keep my pork virginity of almost 2months( yes cheri this kind does grow back as long you abstain for a while) till that P1G sees fire.

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last night i spoke to God, convo went a bit like this:( i was really sleepy so am not sure whether it happened for real or i was just dreaming)

Me: God i really need to move house, and i need a ride.

God: my son, continue to work hard and all these things and even more will come to you in due time

Me: but am working hard. infact am working so hard so i can be able to buy 1k zain airtime everyday so i can enter the draw as many times as possible to win a honda and a house. atte you know they say that those zain guys already know who is going to take each house and car, me i just want you to somehow put me on that list, i mean c’mon we both know your powers know no boundary.

God: eh?? you know i love you and all, but are you saying i should cheat for you??

Me: i didn’t, you did!!

God: (speechless)

so i await tonite’s convo with the Main Man with bated breath. am sure am already on those zain lists.

am outta here, you know it makes sense!!!

peace!!!

so am somewhat tired of the same ol’ hanging out routine that’s goin on in my life.  i spend most of the week in office till late but occasionally attend boring rock night on thursdays simply because some friends always holla.  come friday and i know the whole works, every single place we are goin to go to, and at the precise time. i think it is boring.  saturday always starts off at mateos(only i never go there) or at some bash/party and concludes somewhere in kisementi. so for the past month i have intentionally been busy, laboring under a pathetic illusion of which no amount of failure can rid me, that if i take a while without hanging i will enjoy it afterwards.

now do not get me wrong, i enjoy the company of my friends and the beautiful damsels i occasionally hang out with, am just tired of the same ol’ places and routine. i think i have been to all the cool places in kampala and they aint cool no more. the only thing that seems to get me excited nowadays is the mention of a roadtrip or a trip upcountry, am always up for that kind of rot, it gets my heart racing like fierce venom coursing through its victim’s veins.

which brings me to the weekend past. it had been almost a month of seclusion from most of my friends, it was time to get back to them, i was excited.  at about 8pm he tells me about a bloggers get together organized, i think, by him and her.  ‘course i couldn’t go but i was reliably informed it was on a blazingo (damn, maybe its time i also came clean). anyway about half an hour later i receive 2 separate invites to 2 different parties. i head for one but decide to leave soon as i get there, it was boring. so i head to rubaga for the second party. it was blazing for the first hour until talk of relocating came up, same ol’ same ol’.  i was not impressed, suffice it to say i was in bed by 11.30pm on a saturday night, goes to show that miracles still happen.

so my point??  this routine is boring the hell outta me. i would like to spend some thursdays at national theatre laughing myself silly with my friends in tow. i would like to go check out afrigo some saturdays at obligatto. i would like to attend a poetry show sometime on a friday. i would like to go check out art galleries and attend art exhibitions sometime. i get to do alot of these things either by myself, which is pretty cool most of the time, or with pips whose company i do not enjoy. somehow its the pips whose company i do not enjoy that like the same stuff i do. sucks.  for example, the last time i was at the national theatre was with this chic who was trying to impress me(wat?? you think i got no game, think again, am a top notch P.I.M.P), needless to say i wasn’t. most of my friends think comedy night aint cool, they would rather be chilling at steakout listening to the same rock music they have listened to for the past two years, and do not get them started on afrigo or poetry, they think they are too cool for that kinda rot. i do have a few friends who find that stuff cool, but they are always busy with one thing or another, or they have wickedly early curfew.

so am stuck, don’t want to go through the same routine, don’t want to hang out with gals trying to suck up or boring pips and definitely don’t want to hang out alone all the time. what is a man to do???

kale now,  ivan, solomon, senga and eatv, please tell, how was the bloggers’ mini do on sato, all details awaited with bated breath

oh well, am outta here, you know it makes sense!!!

peace!!!!!!

so there’s this email about sons that make their daddies proud that keeps doing the rounds. its hillarious, all the kids are just upto something wicked( in a good way ). but there’s this particular resplendent one who just kills me, everytime i see him, i think to myself, “if he were my son, i would a damn proud dadda!!” check him out…. chinese eyes and all, looking so cool and suave. killer!!!!!!

killer_boy makes dadda proud

meantime there’s a newbie right here, show her some love.

am outta here, you know it makes sense.

peace!!!