Two W.E.A.K Dudes

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theme, new servers and whatnot

Posted by The Dark Knight on Friday, September 19th, 2008

Okay, so some of you might have noticed our comments being swallowed (only two apparently). Thing is, Node Six transferred us to one of their new servers, and threw in a fresh new theme as a bonus, custom pimped just for our royal weakness. We were worried our site would be down for ages, but [...]

little cousin shenanigans

Posted by The Emrys on Monday, June 21st, 2010

i thought about titling this as “my little cousin” but then it reminded me so much of those primary school days when they would ask us to write a story about our holidays or about sports day (or some other weird event) in english class. cue almost the entire class having titles like “my holidays in the village”, “holiday” , “sports day”. some daring ones would at least have something refreshing (at least i hope so anyway) like “the food i ate in the village until my stomach burst” or “how i fluked glucose on sports day”. anyway i have totally forgotten what i wanted to say about the title because all those memories have crowded my mind and i just cannot wipe away the sheepish grin i have on my face right now, but i shall at least tell you about my cousin, the little one that is!

so, i happen to be a neighbor to my uncle and his family of one son and a recently very pregnant wife. i say recently, because now she aint pregnant anymore, she gave birth on saturday to a supposedly beautiful girl. i have seriously in all of my life never seen a beautiful newly (one day) born child. heck even i in all my current awesomeness was never a beautiful newly born baby but i digress. it so happened that on saturday morning when my aunt started feeling the first of her labor pains, she was home with only her son, my uncle having traveled upcountry. to cut the long story about her getting dropped at the hospital and stuff short, i was left to baby sit my little cousin while i waited for his dad or uncle to come take him to his granny.

now, you probably need a little background about this chap just so you can know how much fun or trouble i was in depending on how you look at it. this is a guy who at two and a half years old once walked into the house on a very hot day with no one around and found me in the buff strutting my bollocks around the place and basically just bumming around. he subsequently went back home and patiently waited for shower time. soon as he was done, he calmly told his mum he didnt fancy wearing any clothes. of course she insisted and he in turn of course threw a tantrum wondering how can they could let me do it while he had to suffer with clothes. needless to say, i spent a couple of weeks without making myself visible to his parents.

this is also a chap who once embarrassed me at a family function. see, he was chilling with me at the table when he spotted some fine young thing he could go and play with or rather bully, and off he was not to be seen for the next couple of hours. i was glad to get rid of him but if i had known then what i know now i would have gladly had him at my side the entire time. the next time i laid eyes on him, my graduating cousin was in the middle of giving a speech to a very silent crowd. this little dude timed his appearance to perfection. my cousin had paused to look at her speech notes, when the little man came out of the house attempting to run with his pants half way his legs and repeatedly screaming at me ” em, em, eeeeeeeeemmmmmmmm, i waaaaaaant to puuuuuuppppuuuuu!” nuff said!!

there, you have it. thats the background to my now 3 year old cousin, imagine what i had coming my way on saturday when his mum showed up with a small bag containing his clothes and asked me to baby sit him for a couple of hours till his dad picked him up. i was still in bed at that ungodly hour of 7.30am and was hoping for another 2 or 3 hours of joyous sleep. wasn’t to be, coz as he soon as he walked in he came straight to my bed and the questions began raining down on me. this dude asks so many questions you get to the point where you just make yes and no sounds to his questions mostly because you’re either tired of answering every damn question he asks or you just do not comprehend what the heck he is on about. mostly its the latter. i dejectedly got out of bed and hoped turning on cartoons would silence him as i went about my saturday chores. he watches tv for 5 minutes, decides cartoons are not for him and demands for bukedde tv. i was astounded by this request but i later found out he wanted to watch a kibanda* style movie. i was even more shocked, but fortunately for me, there was one running. this managed to placate him for the next half hour while i sat there and tried to figure out a way of getting my huge laundry pile done without doing it myself. turns out short of hiring a dobbi, i had to do it myself. long story short, i dive into doing the laundry with gusto even i didn’t think i possessed that morning only to be interrupted by the little man who figured he could help me out by blowing soap bubbles, spilling water all over the place and shooting me with his water gun and insisting i die right there and then on the wet floor and then trying to revive me using cpr by wetting my face with his saliva. he was having one heck of a time…….till he got hungry.

the hunger led to a number of demands. first he wanted samosas, which were duly delivered and demolished in no time. then he ate bread, mangoes and bananas in no particular order. next up was fried cassava and it had to be sizzling hot. so we head to the cassava chap and ask him to do the damn thing. i figured i mite as well get some my self so we bought enough cassava for two adults. since it was hot, i suggested we let it cool down a bit while i finished up some chores. the little guy was having non of it. he insisted it cools down where he could see it and i gave in…i shouldn’t have! i was away for only 30minutes trying to clean up the mess he had singlehandedly caused in the sitting room, by the time i came back there was absolutely one stick of cassava left. this chap, who happens to be the tiniest 3year old i know had done damage where none was expected…..i was in awe!

the cassava was a blessing in disguise or so i thought, coz within half an hour he wanted to sleep. i tell him to go to my bed and sleep, bad move. within 10minutes my towel, duvet and pillow case were strewn all over the floor and he had somehow gotten a hold of my katala phone and was busy trying to smash it with a shoe brush just so he could get to the torch within. good thing the shoe brush is plastic. i banished him to the sitting room where he gloomily sat in front of the tv watching music videos, that is, until a hot chic shaking her butt for the camera came on. he was so excited he screamed at me to come watch this girl just proving beyond a shadow of doubt that he is his father son. i found him glued to his seat and the tv not moving an inch and so mesmerized by the moving butt with a wicked smile on his face like he was daring the bum to just come off the screen and into the sitting room.

dude finally began pining for his dad six hours after he had been left behind. i call the dad who asks me to drop him off at my other uncle’s place in nsambya. so i go through the drill, get him ready and raring to go. just as we are approaching the stage and am thinking just maybe i’ll make it for my appointment, he asks, nay, demands to go back home so he can poop. well, in his defence, he had eaten lots of different stuff ranging from g.nuts to mangoes and probably needed to go there and then.

and just to show me that there were no hard feelings between us, when i handed him over to my other uncle, he cried and insisted i stay around or i go with him. and that people is my little cousin. *sigh*

am outta here, you know it makes no sense!!

*kibanda style movies are movies shown in uganda in mostly wooden shacks with translation into luganda. however this translation is not necessarily reliably accurate!!!

Posted in: General W.E.A.K.ness, Just W.E.A.K.