Idlenessity
One
—————————-
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph, he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.“There ain’t no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself, and opened her up further.
The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him.
“What on earth am I doing?” he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his licence without a word and examined it and the car.
“I’ve had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I dont feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I havent heard before you can go!”
“Last week my wife ran off with a cop,” the man said, “and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”
“Have a nice night,” said the officer.
Two
—————————-
A young sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks “How’d you end up with a peg-leg?”
“I was swept overboard during a fierce storm,” says the pirate. “and a bloody shark bit off me whole darn leg!”
“Holy cow!” said the sailor. “What about the hook, how’d you get that?”
“Me crew and I were boarding an enemy ship, a fierce sword battle ensued. One of them cut me darn arm!”
“Absolutely incredible!” gasped the sailor. “And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?”
“A bloody seagull dropping fell into me eye,” replied the pirate.
“Umm, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” asked the sailor, admonished.
Embarassed, the pirate answered “It was me first day with the hook.”
Three
—————————-
Losing all your friends
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says “If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.”Brother wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,”send me a brother”….
Santa wrote back, “SEND ME YOUR MOTHER”….
Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential?”
Dad says, “You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential!”Anger management?
Husband: “When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?”
Wife: “I clean the toilet.”
Husband: “How does that help?”
Wife: “I use your toothbrush.”
April 24th, 2008 at 10:28 am
LOL, LOL, at everything but one [which is utterly stale!]
LOL, merci! You just made my morning!
April 24th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Which one?? which one?? Come on, do tell, so I can post it again!!
April 24th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
one.as in the mercedes one.
*shaking head at the knight’s slowness
April 24th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh *proverbial light bulb
April 27th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
heh heh!! Number one should be torched, promptly!!
May 30th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
People, its only someone who’s had a certain type of spouse that would appreciate that (first) one. Personally, if I even suspected that my ex was being brought back to me by force (by the law, no less) I would run like a bat out of hell too. For real, no jokes.