Two W.E.A.K Dudes

Food 101

Posted by The Dark Knight on Wednesday, August 29th, 2007

First off, a little background into my obsession with food. I am a bachelor 311. Here’s the proof:

1. I have a double door fridge that has a jerri of water in the bottom and some more frozen water in the freezer compartment. Every once in a while, the fridge plays host to about 2 tomatoes, 1 onion and half a thingie of green pepper.
2. My shopping list is very comprehensive: Salt, very many eggs, cooking oil, soap, toothpaste and tissue. Once in a while, I also indulge myself heavily and throw in sugar and coffee.
3. I use gas. My advice to every eligible bachelor out there, GET A GAS COOKER. Not only does it show you have class and are heavily sophisticated. I mean REALLY, how cool is gas? But the main reason for gas is simple, none of this charcoal nonsense. I once had this 12kg cylinder that took me for 6 months. Enough said.
4. I can cook precisely 4 things. Water, Boiled Eggs, Fried Eggs and Coffee. (see shopping list above and recipes below)

Now as a sign of good faith, I will dispense some culinary tips to the less fortunate:

Boiling Water: Fill saucepan, turn on gas, light gas, go watch TV as you wait for saucepan to start shaking ( it means the water has boiled), turn off gas, use water accordingly.

Coffee/Tea: Follow water recipe above, till saucepan starts shaking. Pour coffee, or tea, or both until you cannot see the bottom of the saucepan. You’re done. Add sugar to taste.

Boiled Egg: Follow water recipe above, till the saucepan starts shaking, drop in a tray of eggs (depends on your consumption and future plans) go watch tv for 15 minutes, turn gas off. You might be unfortunate and an egg bursts in the boiling water. Don’t worry, it’s still edible, water and all. Serve accordingly. Salt helps.

WARNING: Wait for egg(s) to cool.

Fried Egg: Turn on gas, get frying pan, saucepan, or large tumpeco cup, put in some oil (just enough for the egg not to swim), beat egg(s) in plastic cup with any readily available device like spoon, fork, knife, pen, etc. Mix ingredients as you see fit. Garlic, onions, beans. Whatever makes you dance.  Wait for oil to heat up, pour everything into oil, go watch tv till you see a little smoke come out the kitchen. Come back and see if it looks decent, flip it over with anything within reach. Go watch some more tv until you smell something wierd AND see smoke coming out the kitchen. Your fried egg is ready. Serve accordingly.

I also made a small foray into rice-cooking, both flied lice and boiro lice… but that’s a tale for another day.

Posted in: F.O.O.D.

10 W.E.A.K Comments on “Food 101”

1. The Emrys Says:
   August 29th, 2007 at 1:44 pm

   Dude, wicked stuff just, especially the recipes, seems more like a recipe for disaster. one question though, what if i got no tv…….

2. Dark Knight Says:
   August 29th, 2007 at 2:00 pm

   Not disaster man, this is some legit bachelor stuff, tried and tasted (pun intended) by yours truly.

   If you ain’t got TV, you’re screwed. Find something else, get a kayenje, do yoga, sing, whatever, or go watch the grass grow. I hear it’s very peaceful and enlightening.

3. Rob@ Says:
   August 30th, 2007 at 4:20 pm

   Ok this is the nth time I am attempting to send a comment about the Food. I liked the recipes. But if you dont one doesnt have tv or if Umeme pulls a fast one, then I guess listening to Kalisoliso on CBS using a kayenje

4. Dark Knight Says:
   August 30th, 2007 at 4:28 pm

   But Rob@. nga you have cained a big fat bone. What’s this supposed to mean?

   “But if you dont one doesnt have tv”

   You are soooo W.E.A.K you even put shame to W.E.A.K.ness.

5. Rob@ Says:
   August 30th, 2007 at 4:32 pm

   I can see the cascading style sheet I was using decided to to predict the forward slash as a special character. Will stick to simple things form today hence fourth. I will transfer the shame to my keyboard.

6. Rob@ Says:
   August 30th, 2007 at 4:34 pm

   Mean while, now that Dark Knight responded and informed me in person that he had responded, I believe I have discovered the true identity of the bad cook. All we need to do is find some Keliki or better a good northern girl to cook you some nice meals as you watch the tv.

7. Dark Knight Says:
   August 30th, 2007 at 4:39 pm

   Damn I’m W.E.A.K. So much for secret identities.

   But waaaah. That’s not me! I can neither confirm nor deny that that is actually me.

   See I have an alibi. At 4:32pm I was 100 miles away from any computer or internet connection. I was in Katakwi district inspecting the natural sewage system the rural people have deployed.

8. Rob@ Says:
   August 30th, 2007 at 4:40 pm

   U r a winner. Case closed:-)

9. Two W.E.A.K Dudes » Blog archive » Self Indulgence Says:
   February 7th, 2008 at 9:21 pm

   [...] food. And I love my pork more. It’s a well known fact that my cooking skills are… well, lacking. And that’s an understatement. So, as one of my favourite authors says, if you get a chance [...]

10. free tranny Says:
    March 1st, 2008 at 7:27 pm

    free tranny…

    Hello!…

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