aint it wrong?
i have a question that’s gnawing at me mind, but first to let you know why the question arose in the first place.
a really very good friendship has just ended. well on my part really(i don’t think the other part knows), i feel tired and worn out just trying to make it work. so i’ve just done what i usually do on the rare occasion something like this happens(that i will not tell, but you can know there’s a sense of finality in it all).
it don’t mean we won’t be talking and hanging out occasionally, it just means i won’t be goin out of my way to do things for/with her. i really liked her, she was a rarity. she was cool and brilliant(still is) with a sense of fashion that is unmatched and a cartoon-like sense of humor(for me that was a winner), and did i mention she is impossibly beautiful.
now, am not saying she be not cool anymore, its just that nowadays she be cool in spurts, the rest of the time we sign off on a sour note, we argue alot and she gets mad at me most of the time. i would prolly be mad at her as much but in most cases i just don’t have the time and energy to get mad. when am nice to her she complains, when am bad, she still complains and it bores the hair off of me. believe it or not, there was a time when our coolness wasn’t complete without the other, a time when the idea of cool for both of us was the other person. we wanted to do things together, we got along pretty much most of the time. we explored things and places together for the first time. we introduced each other to new experiences. yeah we were that tight and inseparable.
now before you go off telling me how if she really is my friend i should fight to keep her and all that bollocks, well here is the thing, i have done that countless times, i have dragged us from this moment more times than i can remember, even when it was her fault, coz i felt in friendship it shouldn’t matter who is wrong, only sorting out whatever issues hence making the friendship stronger.
i have taken alot of bollocks from her,(maybe that was my first mistake, note to self: don’t take bollocks from girls anymore), i have let the blame fall on me countless times, if only to sort out the issues between us and get back to being friends and loving each other. she’s the only girl i let crawl under my skin and stay there. she was the only girl i let get away with the tantrums and petulance and all that kind of thing coz she was special to me. now am just tired of all that and i think am at a point where i can’t really be bothered to fight for us. what worries me is that am not even moved, broken, sad or anything like that. its like i’ve let her go and i don’t really care.
so aint it just wrong that i don’t feel anything about losing this friendship???? a friend has just told me that for her my being emotionless is what she likes about me and what helps her explain me.
but still, aint it just wrong that am treating this whole thing just like one of them daily mundane activities?? shouldn’t i be bothered by my perceived lack of emotion, even towards the things/people that really matter in my life??
am outta here, you know it don’t make sense!! peace!!
November 7th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
you leave me confused. this friendship of yours was simply a ‘we’re very good friends’ shizzi?
maybe this state of ‘no emotion’ is your way of dealing with things.
November 7th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
help me here. what is bollocks exactly?
If it’s a she, it’s no great loss unless you’d planned to propose. I find friendship with guys more lasting even when they eventually get hooked(married) as for chic’s, may be if some other guy has a different story from the norm
November 7th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
I understand that feeling.
November 7th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Gwe, SK it makes sense. I was in such a relationship for three years. She was special alright, beautiful, cool in a cool way, I did things for her, she might have done some for me but we were tight.
Eventually she got a boyfriend… Well I could say hang in there but ssebo, do what your heart will rest with.
I agree with Emi’s about girl friends as opposed to guy friends. Btw, Emi’s, bollocks is a polite way of saying BS.
Take care.
November 7th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
the fact that u’ve noticed that yo not bothered,yo bothered for not being bothered. do i make sense? don’t know either.
November 7th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
@eddsla, you are spot on!
@nevender, that must have been tight for you. thing is me i don’t even care whether she goes out and gets married tomorrow.
@mudamali, thank you
@coffee smeller, maybe
@emi, bollocks is just BS
November 7th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
cosigning eddsla on this one
November 8th, 2008 at 6:33 am
hey i havehad a really goood firend we were tight soo so so so much then something happened between us that broke my heart so much that i let it go… and now we are not the same and when i did, i started to see things about him i had so ingnored… things that make the skin croawl and realised it was good i broke it off, i have also felt emotionless and it bothered me, not in the way that i should be bothered but i realised that i had invested too much emotion and was burnt out so was emotionless then… after giving it aloooot of space, the feeling came back… maybe?…
November 8th, 2008 at 7:48 am
The way I see it, life is short. And if someone is reducing the quality of yours, you should feel nothing about kicking that person to the curb. The less time you spend around drama, the better chances you have of a happier, longer life.
November 8th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
somethings need space. miss each other a while. chill the calls, the get-togethers whatever. if that doesnt help, then maybe it was one of those season things.
November 10th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
“don’t take bollocks from girls anymore” but you will take it from guys?!
but that is besides the point… i developed a philosophy in terms of relationships that i will give without receiving for a while and then get to a point where i will give as much as i receive… not necessarily material stuff but also time, emotionally… you get my drift.
and besides, some people are only in your life for a while, a season so maybe your season was done…
November 11th, 2008 at 10:27 am
I think you guys need to air out your feelings, unfortunately i have been seeing the tension and i am stuck in the middle! Some times you have to just let go, just know you have my support in case you need any, but with your cool handsome self i don’t think you need much help.
November 12th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
i agree with pete’s mama, if ur quality of life aint better with her in the picture, it explains why you are not bothered abt the loss of friendship. u r burnt out, emotionless. just make sure u r not suffocating heart ache coz it will come out later and leave you crying like a fool later. dig into urself and find out if you are really emotionless. holla