Two W.E.A.K Dudes

since DK did one on me and decided he was better off promoting his movie so it could surpass the titanic, i have been slow in leaving my potent potions to come and post, but like they say, slow but sure……. now am here to keep this W.E.A.K fire burning like kells.

so last week was idd el mubarak( i think) and after much hustling on my part to get invited to one of the big idd dos i knew were going to go down, i finally received a call on the day from one of the hustlees( does that word exist or have i just created a new word) informing me i was invited for the mother of all dos.  by that time i was still in office(yes nodesix, even us, the weak chaps work on public holidays, its just not you guys alone :D). i sorted out as many clients as i could but my brain capacity was diluted by more important thoughts of all the food that would go down on my account, i abandoned my work.

i get to the do rather late but i was immediately ushered to the kitchen where the lady of the house proceeded to hand me 2 coffee tables telling me i would need them, i was in shock, but not in as much shock as when the food was brought. they had to move me to the dining. these guys had gone and brought me an assortment of foods on all of FIVE plates. i was deliriously excited, my God, i could feel the gleam of excitement in my eyes. all eyes were on me, mostly because everyone else was so full, the sight of food made them dizzy. bellies were hanging out people’s bodies like eyes outta their sockets, you would be forgiven for thinking that all the girls in the house were pregnant. one of the guys looked like he had even lost his lower shirt button, he looked like a belly had just been attached to him and it was not supposed to be his.

anyway i set about my task non-chalantly aware of all the eyes on me, i think one or two of them even had bets on me not finishing the food. as always am to be trusted when it comes to such matters, and i did not disappoint, within no time, all plates were wiped clean, but i can assure you, that food, it was for world cup.

thereafter, i settled down on the carpet between two nice looking moslem belles, and being The Emrys, i was busy regaling them with stories of my past, how i used to brew potent potions for Artorious and that sort of rot, when i received a call from somebody demanding that we go eat pork, and in all my weakness, i blurted the dreaded word out aloud, on idd, of all days. imagine my shame when i turned to face their horror stricken faces. quickly i tried to cover up, by asking, “pot??? which pot are you talking about??”. that got me off the hook and suffice it to say i had to turn down the offer, damn!!!

anyway unbeknownst to me, this mommy of all dos was going down a few hundred metres from my home and i did not know it(yeah the village i stay at is weird like that), so imagine my excitment when i found out. in the midst of my excitement i decide to text DK, to tell him all about it while walking home, next thing i knew, i was in one of those roadside drainage ditches near home, and it had just rained a few hours before, cue the old chic walking behind me running to my rescue and after finding out am alright, she goes “eh mutabaani, oguude mu nga aduyi!!!” loosely translated to “my son, you dived into the ditch like a rebel!!”  MAN!!!!!

—————————

in other going ons, i met a chic carrying one of the famous kaseeros, those sisal baskets some of us used to carry to primary school, it just got all these happy memories flooding back.

am outta here, you know it makes sense.

peace!!!!

Too much drama going on right now, can’t focus on writing any decent (silly) posts, even dark sombre posts, so instead of boring y’all with innuendo, banality and succint-tity, I bid you all adieu, for a while.

I seriously need to sort myself out.

Worry not, I’ll be lurking in the shadows, a comment here and there, and someday, my return shall be triumphant!

*ahem* here goes:

There’s a sad sort of clanging
From the clock in the hall
And the bells in the steeple, too
And up in the nursery
An absurd little bird
Is popping out to say coo-coo
(Coo-coo, coo-coo)

coo-coo Regretfully they tell us
coo-coo But firmly they compel us
to say goodnight
coo-coo
To you

So long, farewell
Auf Wiedersehen, goodnight
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

So long, farewell
Auf Wiedersehen, adieu
Adieu, adieu
To you and you and you

So long, farewell
Au revoir, Auf Weidersehen
I’d like to stay
And taste my first champagne

So long, farewell
Auf Weidersehen, goodbye
I leave and heave
A sigh and say goodbye
Goodbye

I’m glad to go
I cannot tell a lie
I flit, I float
I fleetly flee, I fly

The sun has gone
To bed and so must I

So long, farewell
Auf Weidersehen, goodbye

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye

Warning: This is a long post, so if you do not have the time, please do not read, lest your boss gets you. However, if you do have the time, grab a cup of chai and a seat and join me on this luckless journey.

i have been asking myself that question the whole weekend, ok just yesterday really but with lots of hindsight. saturday began well, lots of good unexpected stuff happening until the arsenal match. yeah we lost at home to a newly promoted side, cue me getting a headache and feeling physically sick. i guess that should have been a sign of things to come. i got home late, did the last two slices of bread in the fridge and began a frantic search for my bed, collapsing onto it when i did finally find it.

i woke up sunday with the same headache and 6500/=. i despearately needed alot more dime if i was going to accomplish all i had too on sunday. i did not want to take the risk of having breakfast and further depleting my resources, so i headed straight to church on an empty stomach. spent another 1k. come offertory time and inner me convinces outer me that if i needed more dimes, i should give some to God, cue me moving to the basket with 2k. now this has usually worked wonders for me, i mean most of the times i do that, i end up receiving the exact amount i need, after church.  so after the service, i just hang around waiting for the miracle, but wapi, even God did not want to know me yesterday.  at this point i colud feel the insides of my stomach grumbling away at the lack of anything to digest, its not like i wasn’t swallowing any saliva, heck they could try digesting that. a few more hours and my stomach would be touching my back.

after 30 minutes of hanging around the church kasana(it was too damn hot yesterday), with no miracle forthcoming, i decide to lumber to ntinda as hungry as a bear and as thirsty as a desert traveller.( i stay in makindye). stupid, you think?? yeah me too. but see, i have this deep passion for race cars, and yesterday, well it was the first night race in Formula 1. i had to be their, even if it meant walking all the way home after. besides i knowsome pips in ntinda, and i had a little airtime on me phone.

so i get to michelle’s and sit down to enjoy the race. at this point the bartender assures me i have to buy a drink or something else.(as if i did not know, dude i’ve been doing F1 from here for a while). nothing goes below 1500 at this place and all i have is a measly 3k on me. at this point, my stomach is ACTUALLY touching my back, it was that empty!!!!! so between my throat and my stomach, there was a raging debate going on. the matter at hand was whether to get one of the two cheapest things around, a cold stoney or a plate of plain chips. suffice it to say, stomach had the last word and so a plate was sent for hurriedly to get my neighbor off my case. chic kept eyeing me with shock everytime my stomach slapped against my back. can you imagine i waited a whole 30 minutes for a plate of six chips, ok granted they wer more than that, probably ten at most, at whose sight my stomach growled even more, cue disturbed look from neighbor chic. these were wolfed down in no time at all. i think i set a new record for fastest eater, maybe i should join the Guiness world record.  did i mention that the two drivers i was supporting had hideous luck this weekend as well. the worst luck all season.kimi crashed out, massa got messed up by his own team and yet he was in the lead, now i have to watch as hamilton takes an undeserved title.

Note to reader: please please, if you’re into sports, do not support the same teams as me, this bad luck just seems to follow me everywhere this year.

after the race i made 3 calls hoping to be able to borrow some money. first dude i call up says he is visiting his gal’s sister at school. i curse gal. second dude, before i could say anything, goes, “man Ems its good u’ve called, i was wondering if could borrow some money from you!!”. i laughed so hard i began sweating. not a good sign, coz the more i sweated, the more energy i lost, i needed all the energy i could have.  i just told him all i wanted was to say hey and no i could not lend him any money, unfortunately.  at this point am stranded in ntinda with 1500, so i decide to call someone i knew would not cut me short.  soon as she picks am like, “chic i need some dimes,you are my only hope.” she asks me to wait till tomorrow, she was busy hanging out. heck i didn’t need it the next day, i needed it then. felt like going into a tirade of how am always there for her and the least she can do is chill her hanging out for a while to just get me some dimes. just told her its cool, will figure out something. funny how the pips you always think will bail you out never do, heck even God hadn’t yet hollad. this should have been another sign of things to come, did i see it?? nop!!!

i decide to get into a taxi to town, wait till we are at the park, get out, give the conductor a 500 shilling coin and promptly bolt like Bolt with the conductor giving chase. off we went through a maze of taxis and people, knocking over a few baskets of bananas, till i managed to lose him(by this time, i was near owino market, don’t ask me how i got there). unfortunately, my feet run into a stone, suffice it to say, my big toe is still sorely red.

i finally get home only to realise there was nothing to do there, except drink some water. after drowning me self in half a litre of water i went in search of transi for the next day. now there’s only two pips i can harangue for dimes on my kaalo. i call up the first dude, tell him am on my way to his to get some transi, dude assures me he is catching a leg and he is not to be disturbed till MIDNIGHT!! at this point i have run out of airtime, so i just head over to second dude’s home and even he can’t help me, though he buys me a doughnut and gets me some hot black tea, plus a movie to waste time on.

i head home at about 10pm facing the very dark prospect of walking to work from makindye the next day, thinking of all the shortcuts i knew. not a very encouraging thing i tell you. i even had a vivid dream about this whole affair.  in the dream i woke up early so i could prepare for my trek, on my way to work i meet all these guys i usually just glance at while am in the taxi. these guys are seasoned trekkers and trying to keep up with them was a hustle. i reached town all sweaty and panting my lungs out, while my fellow trekkers were all smiles, they had reached their destination, i still had a few miles to trek.

i woke up with a start, sweating like a dog, my sheets wet from all that sweat. i took a shower, got back into bed and began plotting for my trek this morning and relishing the challenge(as if) of demolishing the lunch served at work the next day. usually, the lady that cooks asks me if need second helpings and i say no, but at this point i was wondering if third helpings were allowed in the kitchen.

Note to self: please make it a point to find out about third helpings as soon  as you get to work in the morning.

i even swore to start liking matooke and rice, which i do not like with a passion. yeah i was that hungry and i couldn’t get back to sleep.

so all this and some other drama got me wondering, have i run out of luck???

did i mention i still woke up with no transi and at this moment it feels like my stomach is steadily drilling a hole through my back. am secretly hoping its posho for lunch today.

in other news, yesterday in church i saw my cousin’s wife’s sister’s bootay!!! my goodness, i thanked The good Lord some more!!!

am outta here you know it makes sense!!

peace out!!!!

I’m aliiiiiiive!!!

Cool corny intro huh?

How’s y’all doing?? You good? Yeah I bet.

The move went well, lots of drama those first two day, but yep, I’m safe n snug in the new cul-de-sac! Pretty funky place too. The rolex dude is practically outside the door, and transi to office is like bibiri (200/=). Although the taxis are a little complicated to get…

First week I managed to save like a ka twenty thou (20,000/=) off the week’s transport!! Cool or what? Except of course, I promptly wasted it over the weeked.

It ain’t been easy though, still got tonnes of issues to sort out, but yeah, Abba rulez!!

You can tell I’m hyper, no?

And I hear BHH rocked?!? Stories??

So, how’s y’all?

Okay, so some of you might have noticed our comments being swallowed (only two apparently). Thing is, Node Six transferred us to one of their new servers, and threw in a fresh new theme as a bonus, custom pimped just for our royal weakness. We were worried our site would be down for ages, but nope, not a blink. Hurrah!

So as they mess around with other template stuff, plugins and geek whatnot, here are a few old links, and blatant promotion on their behalves.

BlogSpirit

See what your favourite Ugandan bloggers are saying!

Blog Hosting: Special Offer!

Get excellent, affordable hosting, with thine own domain name from Node Six. Only 10,000/= per month, special blogger offer. Details here.

Meantime, totally loving the new look!

i was not even planning to post this until i hollered at DK with the story and he died. so anyway here goes.

last night i stayed late in office with me boss working on some accounts. stuff just seemed not to be working out and so we entertained ourselves with the internet in which pics of a certain blogger competed for precedence with graver issues connected with the subject of the accounts we were supposed to be working on. ours were souls in torment. no prizes for guessing which of the two had greater precedence(work of course). during that time we feasted on a bowl of fried gnuts, some black tea and pineapples(these things of being boss, everyone beez wanting to bless you and stuff). Regardless to say, by the time we were done with the blo…sorry work, my stomach was acting up and i was sweating profusely. i hurriedly gathered my stuff, stuff in this case being tissue, just in case i failed to get home in time. i staggered forth to the stage, got into the front seat of the taxi next to this really big lady that was fast asleep. soon as i got in, she promptly changed sides and rested her head on me shoulders and began drooling on me nice shirt, with her hand across my torso, making an already acting up stomach act up even more. tried to move her but wapi, her head was too big, so i figured if the head was this heavy……

my shoulder felt like it was about to snap and i really wanted to pass wind, but i was afraid to pass more than just wind, so i held on as much as i could till i just couldn’t do it anymore. then a brilliant idea went off in my head. i figured i could let it all out and everyone would think it was the sleeping damsel. suffice it to say, i was not disappointed.

so i let it out, and boy did it feel good, the warm relief it left on its way out to torment the other passengers. All i had to do now was wait for their reaction, and i didn’t have to wait long coz after a few seconds the driver was messed up and he goes, “you guys no doing bad manners in my car, if you want we can stop and we give you some more time to finish your business, atte it must be this one sleeping as if she’s under her blanket” cue laughter from everybody else. dude parked the taxi and proceeded to wake up the lady, but this chic was literally dead, it took a full minute to wake her up and get her drooling self of me. the driver served her a tongue lashing she will prolly never forget, though i highly doubt she knew what it was all about. but i figured it was payment enough for her drooling on my shirt.

In other news, my little cousin spots a pirates patch and i envy her. i know its just to correct her sqiunt but i still envy her, she looks too cute.

am outta here, you know it makes sense. peace!!!!

Yesterday on my way home, i passed via kampala road, i noticed that in place of the then fading Fido Dido sign post(?), there was now a Hot Chips or something sign.  Am sad, not because i liked fido dido or anything like that, but just because all of a sudden, kampala is no longer recognizable.

am outta here

so.

due to circumstances both avoidable and unavoidable, I’ll be leaving my current crib.

it’s been… an interesting experience, good, and bad.

only Abba knows what lies ahead.

since I may not be able to post for a while, I’ll leave y’all with this.
I wanted to post poetry, but also wanted to post some old, much promised photos. So I’ve decided to combine the two.

Hope it makes sense. If not, oh well…

Enjoy.

Much has been said by practically everyone in the Ugandan blogsphere about the nefarious article, if it can be called an article, by a certain Country Boyi, more commonly known as oba who… I will not disgrace our blog with his name, y’all know who he be…

For me to add anything more would be irrevocably… redundant? So let me fuel his arguments over the uselessness of our posts even further.

I hereby present, my opinion;

STEVIE WONDER - So What The Fuss?

If I’m caught at a dance party without my dancin shoes
And everybody dances on my bare feet
Shame on me
If I’m mindin my business just doin the right thing
And you try to front me off in the street
Shame on you
If a family’s waiting for that special blessing to
come their way
But they ain’t tryin to get on their knees and pray
Shame on them
And if we live in a time where every nation’s fightin
’round the world
Yet we can’t all agree that peace is the way

Shame on us
Shame on me, Shame on you, Shame on them, Shame on us
[repeat]
So what the fuss

If I gotta get up early in the morning for a job
interview
And I forget to set the stupid alarm
Shame on me
If my children are playin outside like little children do
And you come ’round there tryin to bring them some harm
Shame on you
Should I be drivin thru a klantown, find a restaurant
to get me some food
And someone says “hey boy, we don’t serve your kind”
Shame on them
And if we live in a democracy and you don’t use your
power to vote
Knowin some would like to turn back the hands of time

Shame on us
Shame on me, Shame on you, Shame on them, Shame on us
[repeat]
So what the fuss

If I’m hooked on a habit knowin damn well it could
cost me my life
Yet I keep doin what I should do without
Shame on me
If you’re locked in a marriage and your other half
just gives you abuse
Yet you’ve convinced yourself that there’s no way out
Shame on you
If we’re jammin the music and somebody’s got the
audacity
To say that they can jam it better than us
Shame on them
And should there be just a handful that believe that
we are totally free
And there’s no need to fight for equality

Shame on us
Shame on me, Shame on you, Shame on them, Shame on us
[repeat]
So what the fuss. etc…

So, Country Boyi, what the f**uss?? GET A LIFE.

On even more unrelated banality, I hear Monday is a public holiday, mbu they’re burying the Kyabazinga.

No offense peoples, but where the paaaarty at??